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sexta-feira, 27 de agosto de 2021

good fit

 


I’m exhausted and I haven’t done anything. 

I’ve been crying since you left. 

Not that I want you back. 

I want myself. 


I don’t know why I worry so much. 

In the end, everything will be alright - they say. 

Is it the end yet?


In one day I feel empowered and full of energy. 

Next, I want to cuddle with myself. 

I want to cry my heart out. 


I think of my grandma and how she was always smiling. 

Those are the memories I hold close. 

She is bipolar, schizophrenic - they say. 

I say she is Gemini. 


Women are cyclical they say. 

Am I walking in circles?


My therapist told me to be light. 

I thought I was light. 

We all are - they say.


segunda-feira, 12 de abril de 2021

Pra ter fé

Certa vez me disseram que faz bem ir dormir pensando no que te anima para o dia seguinte

Ultimamente tem sido café

Nem tão preto e forte, geralmente desejo um café caramelo com leite de amendôas.


Me estranha ser café o que me faz ir pra cama feliz

A certeza de que no dia seguinte terei café. 


Daí, de repente, penso que não é o café, mas o simbolismo.

É o carinho matinal de encontrar a bebida quente feita pelo marido, 

é ter uma casa segura e alegre. 


O café é a materialização de um sonho,

é quando acordo que começo a sonhar.

Ancestors Mug by Bash Art. Available here.

quarta-feira, 15 de janeiro de 2020

Mesmices


Dez anos mais experiente e ainda sofro de "e Ses". O presente nunca parece me preencher e ficou retomando fantasias do passado como se naquele tempo eu tivesse, de fato, sido feliz. 

O que me falta na verdade é um amigo capaz de me dar choques de realidade e me lembrar que nem tudo eram flores "naquele tempo". 

E se a gente ainda estivesse junto?
E se as coisas tivessem sido diferentes?
E se eu tivesse sido mais paciente, amável e tolerante?
E se você tivesse sido mais paciente, amável e tolerante?

Do que importa?
O que está feito assim está. 

Melhor deixar ser como será. Seguir e viver. 
Só gostaria de arrancar do peito essa angústia que se confunde entre depressão e ansiedade.


quarta-feira, 17 de outubro de 2018

my married merry christmas

Foreplay started at the night before 
He bought Christmas balls for our tree
And waited for me in the front door
Huge hug, stocking Santa hat and chocolate

His touch was warm and make me comfortable after the long day 
I took a hot shower while he watched his cartoon 
Cute, he asked me if he could watch another one 

We decorated our tree together 
We were blessed
Happy in that moment 
We were everything we want to be

We slept well
He woke me up with coffee
Ready to have me 
Ready to feel how wet I was 

He licked me fast I asked him to slow down
He wanted me 
He had me
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
... I finally understood the joy of a Christmas morning
My holy married merry Christmas! 

quarta-feira, 13 de dezembro de 2017

On Ocean & Alamitos

Wait! Wait! Wait! 
It might have been only 30 seconds but for her... it was an entire life. 

Wait!

Wait!
Wait! 

On that cross walk she noticed cars coming and going. 

People listening to music, late people and others into themselves, just like her at that moment. 

Lost in her own mind. 

Wait.




Wait.




Wait! 

What was she waiting for anyway?
A man? Her life purpose? 

Wait. Wait. Wait. 
Walk sign is on. 
It might be a sign to walk again. 
Move on. 

sexta-feira, 22 de setembro de 2017

process

4 a.m: Sex
7 a.m: — Bye, now.
Noon: — Good luck!

Fist month: party, friends, sex, beer, wine & weed.
Second month: body & mind. 

Three questions:

— Is it bad timing?
— Was all that real?
— Can someone new be just a new me?

Internal archive of us

I had an idea for a Black Mirror episode. Somewhere in the future, lonely people would be able to download their social apps histories to recreate memories. So, you could go to all our Voxer's messages and select the ones that were meaningful. There would be companies for that. Imagine that chubby dude's face going through all our shit and trying to get the best out of it while eating a greasy pizza and looking at his cat — of course, he works from home (That's the future anyway, right?). He would laugh, cry, get angry and be confuse with all our talking.

Couples could use these companies services to pay homage on weddings, milestone anniversaries parties...Perhaps someone would like to pay to listen to someone's love again. Maybe that would reignite memories and make life a little less tough. Imagine this service for someone who lost their loved ones. 

You are probably calling me morbid by now. Crazy. Lunatic. (Say that in a French accent)
I just think Black Mirror could get something out of the idea. All the drama of real people's life edited in a podcast to listen on a road-trip. 

The longest and deepest trip to your internal archive of us.