my married merry christmas

Foreplay started at the night before 
He bought Christmas balls for our tree
And waited for me in the front door
Huge hug, stocking Santa hat and chocolate

His touch was warm and make me comfortable after the long day 
I took a hot shower while he watched his cartoon 
Cute, he asked me if he could watch another one 

We decorated our tree together 
We were blessed
Happy in that moment 
We were everything we want to be

We slept well
He woke me up with coffee
Ready to have me 
Ready to feel how wet I was 

He licked me fast I asked him to slow down
He wanted me 
He had me
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
... I finally understood the joy of a Christmas morning
My holy married merry Christmas! 

On Ocean & Alamitos

Wait! Wait! Wait! 

It might have been only 30 seconds but for her... it was an entire life. 

Wait!
Wait!
Wait! 

On that cross walk she noticed cars coming and going. 
People listening to music, late people and others into themselves, just like her at that moment. 

Lost in her own mind. 

Wait.



Wait.



Wait! 

What was she waiting for anyway?

A man? Her life purpose? 

Wait. Wait. Wait. 

Walk sign is on. 
It might be a sign to walk again. 
Move on. 

process

4 a.m: Sex

7 a.m: — Bye, now.

Noon: — Good luck!

Fist month: party, friends, sex, beer, wine & weed.

Second month: body & mind. 

Three questions:

— Is it bad timing?

— Was all that real?

— Can someone new be just a new me?

Internal archive of us

I had an idea for a Black Mirror episode. Somewhere in the future, lonely people would be able to download their social apps histories to recreate memories. So, you could go to all our Voxer's messages and select the ones that were meaningful. There would be companies for that. Imagine that chubby dude's face going through all our shit and trying to get the best out of it while eating a greasy pizza and looking at his cat — of course, he works from home (That's the future anyway, right?). He would laugh, cry, get angry and be confuse with all our talking.

Couples could use these companies services to pay homage on weddings, milestone anniversaries parties...Perhaps someone would like to pay to listen to someone's love again. Maybe that would reignite memories and make life a little less tough. Imagine this service for someone who lost their loved ones. 

You are probably calling me morbid by now. Crazy. Lunatic. (Say that in a French accent)

I just think Black Mirror could get something out of the idea. All the drama of real people's life edited in a podcast to listen on a road-trip. 

The longest and deepest trip to your internal archive of us.

extenuante

Sabe clichê? Lembro de sempre ter visto em filmes, propagandas, anúncios aquela clássica cena da 'vida adulta'. Pessoas que acordam, trabalham, voltam para casa e dormem. Estou consumida por essa sensação de ciclo constante, uma continuidade insuportável. Onde está o frescor?

O alienado não escreve. Escreve? Escreva-me

Ajudando o sistema, estando dentro dele. Não tendo tempo para pensar. Para comer. Para refletir. Para sentir o momento.

Às vezes ele simplesmente se apossou de mim, consumi o tempo sem experimentá-lo, o momento passou por mim e eu nem me dei conta, foi como um sopro de vento que a gente só repara quando já passou. 

Só que o dia a dia me obriga a seguir com o fluxo consumindo informação, estando conectada, estando hiperconectada. Eu não consigo respirar. 

E se a bolha for o melhor lugar? 

Perdas e ganhos

Entrar numa lacuna da mente. Caminhar por áreas desconhecidas dentro de si mesmo. Um universo. O meu corpo é um mundo. Mudo — mas que fala. Eu exploro com medo. Como o autoconhecimento pode ser assim tão assustador? Seria esse um medo de me decepcionar comigo mesma? Imagine a frustração de descobrir ser o que não se quer. O que renega. O que condena. O que perturba. O que mutila. 

Qual é o problema com a alegria? Ela não precisa mesmo ser um problema. Precisa?
Às vezes falta o ar. Uma perturbação que assusta. Estou me perdendo ou me ganhando?